How Can Expectations About Motherhood Affect You?
Surely before becoming a mother you imagined hundreds of times what life would be like with your children. It is even likely that during your pregnancy you read and documented yourself about parenting and child care. However, no matter how much preparation you have, expectations about motherhood are not always fulfilled, and this clash with reality can affect you emotionally.
In reality, we all constantly generate expectations, and they are useful and necessary. They help us foresee, organize and prepare for a possible future. The problem arises when such anticipated ideas are too rigid and far too far from what actually occurs.
At this point, frustration, disappointment, and confusion can paralyze the person and cause great suffering. And, if we refer to motherhood, these consequences also reach the baby.
Main expectations about motherhood
Since motherhood is another part of a woman’s life, more or less realistic expectations will arise throughout her life, which she will have to contrast and face when the time comes. However, some of the most relevant revolve around the following topics.
The body and physical image after childbirth
To a greater or lesser degree, every woman is prepared for her body to change during pregnancy, since this is something natural and expected. However, there is not always a realistic idea of what happens to the physical image after delivery.
Your body no longer houses your baby, but it has not yet recovered its shape, you may have developed stretch marks or spots and even years after having your children you have not managed to regain your figure. This is a frequent reality that, if not kept in mind, can have a strong emotional impact.
The implications of being a mother
Possibly, before becoming a mother, you already knew that it was going to be a tough task, that your little one would require almost constant attention and that awake nights awaiting you, feeding or comforting him.
But, perhaps, only by living motherhood were you able to understand its real implications; For example, that the well-being of another human being depends on you, that your social life has been reduced almost to a minimum and that your relationship with your partner is also affected. Even that you barely have time to shower, take a walk alone, or read a book. Conforming to the reality of this vital stage can be expensive, but much more if you were not mentally prepared for it.
The child’s temperament
Every baby is different and his temperament can be clearly perceived from his first months of life. Many mothers dream of an infant who is calm, not very demanding and who easily adjusts to sleeping and eating patterns.
But this does not always happen; some children need more stimulation, attention and patience and pose a challenge for the adults in their care. This unexpected reality can make the mother feel overwhelmed and unable to fulfill her role.
Expectations about motherhood affect mother and child
Maternity expectations are unavoidable, but flexible expectations are essential. Otherwise, the woman may experience high levels of anxiety, insecurity and guilt, and may even trigger postpartum depression. This pathology not only generates great suffering, but also hinders the establishment of the attachment bond with the baby.
Due to psychological and emotional distress, the mother is not in the optimal conditions to care for her little one and this can cause problems in their development.
For this reason, it is important, in the first place, to be aware of what were those beliefs, desires and expectations that were maintained regarding motherhood. And, secondly, to be able to review and modify them if they do not fit the reality you are living.
Maybe your body doesn’t look like you thought it would, maybe your child is more demanding than you expected, or maybe motherhood is more demanding than what you were told. However, that the situation is not as you imagined it does not mean that it cannot be equally beautiful and rewarding.
Allow yourself to feel the fear and exhaustion, but trust your abilities. Motherhood will force you to improvise and change course on many occasions, but this can be a nice apprenticeship.
