Give Your Baby What He Asks For: You Are Not Spoiling Him
“Do not sleep with him, you will make him dependent” ; “Stop picking him up, you’re spoiling him” ; “Why do you keep breastfeeding him? He just uses you as a pacifier. ” These and many other statements as blunt as they are cruel are that many mothers face every day.
Divided between instinct and the opinions of others, many of them are plunged into a sea of confusion and guilt. If this is your case, do not hesitate: give your baby what he asks for, you are not spoiling him.
To face motherhood in the best possible way and, above all, enjoy it, you have to remember that you are the mother. You can consult with professionals, inform yourself or ask your loved ones for an opinion, but finally you decide how to educate your children.
On many occasions, your instinct and your intuition give you the answer, and your baby transmits what he needs from you. Why, then, silence the only two voices that count to listen to those of others?
You’re not spoiling him
At some point we begin to attribute to babies intentions and cognitive abilities that they do not possess. We think that they seek us, demand attention, affection or care because they want to manipulate us. We believe that they “tease us” or “take advantage of us.”
It is essential to understand that a baby has not reached sufficient cognitive development to carry out such a thought process and that, if he cries, if he asks, it is because he needs it.
On many occasions, mothers suppress their urge to comfort the baby for fear of spoiling him. In other words, they fear that the little one will become extremely dependent or insecure due to this “excess of care”.
However, paradoxically, the opposite occurs. The psychologist Rosa Jové, an expert in parenting and child psychology, states it clearly: if you want your child to be autonomous, pamper them as much as you can while they are small.
The essential secure attachment
And it is that, indeed, the bond of attachment established during the first months and years of life is the base on which a healthy personality is built. A secure attachment is the safety net that the child will have to explore the world without fear. It is what will allow you to develop with confidence, without deficiencies or fears.
But, for this to be established properly, the work of the mother (or the main attachment figure) is essential. This must be able to detect the baby’s needs and respond to them consistently. The little one needs to be sure that they have love and protection at all times in order to progressively develop their independence and autonomy.
If any child becomes insecure, fearful or dependent, it will be the one who did not receive in his early years what he needed and will spend his life restless and anxious trying to seek and obtain what he lacked at such a crucial moment. Therefore, pamper your little one and give him what he asks for, because this is really the way to his independence.
Give your baby what he asks for
So, learn to listen to your baby and give him what he asks for. Each child is a world, with its own personality and its own rhythms. If your baby asks you to hold him, do it with joy ; If he asks for breast, breastfeed him with love and enjoy that intimate and special moment between the two of you. If your baby needs your presence and contact at night, don’t be afraid to sleep next to him.
Do what you feel and do it without guilt or remorse, because all the love you give him will be transformed into the security he needs to grow healthy.
In the same way, if your little one needs space or asks for independence, offer it too. Some babies prefer to sleep alone and express their discomfort when sleeping. Some kids are more adventurous and explorers, so let’s allow them to explore. No two little ones are alike, so the key lies in knowing and understanding our son.
Ultimately, if we pay attention, they will show us what they need and when they are ready to make changes and advancements. In the meantime, enjoy the experience of watching him grow; give your baby what he asks for and fill him with love; this can never be harmful.
